A snapshot in time

Anyone who knows me knows I love taking pictures. I'm not very artistic and I still don't know all the in's and out's of my camera, but I love trying to capture life. These pictures help me remember, help me to relive the experiences depicted in each image. They make a precious record of my life, caught in little frames along the way. However, sometimes I feel like the pictures can only reveal the concrete, the physical look of a room, what the kids were wearing that day, or what we were doing at that time.

I wish I had the ability to take "emotional snapshots" in time to capture what a camera cannot, to be able to take out these snapshots and relive the moment. Feel the same feelings, experience life as it was right then. There are so many moments I want to remember, those perfect little moments that are often over before they start, that you just can't record on film--my emotional snapshots.

I want to remember the way it felt when George and I first held hands in High School. The rush of adrenaline, the awkward butterflies that filled my stomach and the pure excitement I had because the guy I thought hung the moon was actually holding my hand. I want to be able to relive the intense emotions, to feel again what it was like to be in love for the first time.

I want to remember the drives I would take with my dad when I was a kid when we would run errands together and just talk. I want to remember the sound his leather jacket made when he moved, the sound of his voice, and the smell of his cologne. I want to remember the feel of the seat covers in that old Datsun and how it felt to be with him knowing that he loved me.

I want to remember they way my baby smells and the perfect way his soft little head fits next to my cheek.

I want to remember the spontaneous hugs by Lance out of the blue, or the way Jude's eyes light up when he smiles.

I would have simple snapshots in my photo album, too. Like the random Tuesday where Jude and I sit and read book after book together, or laying on the bed at night next to Lance while I scratch his back and we talk about his day. Or the sweet moments when I'm nursing Cole and I marvel at how perfect he is and how lucky I am that my child is healthy.

Last night was one of those "snapshot" moments. It was an unimportant Thursday night and I had just gotten back from a meeting. Lance and Jude were in bed, made ready and tucked in by George. I walked in and gave them hugs goodnight and said hello to George who was on his way to take a bath, being very sore from exercising that day. I moved Cole in his little chair into the kitchen and began washing the dishes from the day while he slept. I had my favorite songs playing on the iPod--songs George had given me on CD's throughout our courtship. It was while I was singing out loud to these songs and washing dishes that it hit me. I am living "the dream". Life is good.

It probably seems strange that I would want to take a "picture" of me doing dishes late at night after a long day. I guess I want to remember what it felt like right then--to be completely happy. Honestly, it feels like life is perfect right now What more could I ask for? I have three wonderful boys that make my life exciting, a home, food, and the joy of climbing into bed next to the love of my life every night. I want to remember these simple days where the kids are little and at home, where the problems we come across each day are easy, like who gets to play with the skateboard next or what we'll be cooking for dinner. I want to remember what it is like to live in our little apartment and try to make ends meet on a small budget, what it feels like to sacrifice things of want so we can have the things we need. I know life will get more hectic, especially when George starts residency in a few months. The boys are going to grow up and be more involved with things away from home, away from me. I want to remember the joys (and the pains) of having them at home with me while they are little. I want to remember what it's like to be young, in love, and caring for my little family. I want to remember exactly how I felt last night while doing those boring dishes, living my small but fabulous life. Because really, I have everything.