Dirt--you can do it, too!

While reading through the recent comments on my blog, I came across one from a good friend of George's expressing his simultaneous admiration and repulsion (it's all the same, right?) at how dirty George and I allow our kids to get. Well, Kevin, this post is for you.

I'll admit I haven't always been so adept at keeping the kids' filth level high, but with the practice of many years and two boys that are very good at the art, I am proud to say I probably have the dirtiest kids this side of the muddy Mississippi.

How did I achieve such a feat, you ask? It was difficult, but if you follow a few simple steps, you too can have dirty kids that will be the talk of the neighborhood.

First, every kid needs a good example. After all, how are children supposed to know what they are capable of if they've never had someone show them the ropes?

If you grew up squeaky-clean and have little to no experience getting dirty yourself, don't worry, there is still hope. You simply need a courageous spirit, strong stomach and a high tolerance for extra work.

I found the thing that helps the most is allowing children to take their nutrition into their own hands.

Literally.

Speaking of food, if you want to have a really big mess to clean up, try giving the kids something to eat that is cartoonish-ly too big for their little mouths. As always, something sticky is preferable.

Food that is simply out of their league as far as dexterity or ability goes will work in a pinch as well.

You need to start them young before proper hygiene is even a thought in their tiny minds.

Allow them to spend time with someone who has mastered the skill of becoming as dirty as possible in the smallest amount of time. Older siblings are usually the best for this. Learning at the hands of these experienced dirt-dwellers is an invaluable education for the up-and-coming mud monsters.

If your children are discouraging you with how clean they are, give them a hose and point them in the direction of the closest dirt pile. The results will astound you:

Keep that hose close...

Is your child a little squeamish about getting his or her hands messy? There are easy solutions for that  as well!

Ask them to help you while you cook:

Offer them tastes! Who can resist tasting that yummy batter?

Carving a pumpkin? Make sure your son or daughter has the honor of scooping out the "guts". It's fun and messy--a sure-fire way of getting rid of their aversion to slime.

 If all else fails, break out the paint.

Your children will be ready to compete in "Dirtiest Kids" after 5 minutes.

But let's be honest--being dirty isn't just about dirt. Have a dog? They are a perfect way of ensuring your kids have all kinds of germs on their face and hands as well.

 

Yum! Look at that immune system go!

Congratulations! Your kids are now dirty!

Do they feel lonely in their grime?

Always remember to share, share, share!

There are some trade-offs to the remarkable talent of accumulating as much dirt as possible.

One example: feet that won't come clean, even after long soaks and scrubs in the bath.

Oh, and get used to extra housework! 

You may be able to skip swimming lessons with all the water they'll see because they will be taking lots and LOTS of these:

A word of caution: because of the extra time spent outside doing physical activities, please be ready for the occasional

 

and

However, even with the obvious draw-backs, you get so much in return. Healthy, happy kids that almost never get sick and don't have allergies!

So, dive in! Let them have fun! Dirt? Hooray!

You'll do extra laundry

and extra work

but in the end, you'll have more of this!

And honestly, that's what it's all about.